We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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