how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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