i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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