And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize