Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
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Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
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Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize