i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
They have beer where we have blood.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize