i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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