you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
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I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
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So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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