I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
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Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
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Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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