actually, I'm a sock model
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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