I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize