Someone shit on the floor
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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