she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize