Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
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how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
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Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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