So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize