I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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