I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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