Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
this hospital has no fireball
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize