i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
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