can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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