If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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