ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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