What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
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Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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