perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
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I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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