Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
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So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
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I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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