dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
tell me about the eggs
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