Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
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