Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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