Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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