I wish I could punch you in the face.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The air taste purple.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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