I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
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not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
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While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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