I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
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So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alive.
So much puke
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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