chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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