I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
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just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
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I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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