that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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