Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize