Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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