Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
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I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
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There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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