Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize