someone threw a dead crab at me
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
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You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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