i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
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Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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