My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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