I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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