Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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