Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
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It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
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The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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