who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
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We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
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You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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