think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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