if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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