New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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