can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
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Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
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Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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